I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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