is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
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