i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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