Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
