I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Operation Purity has been aborted
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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