I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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