i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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