its not stalking. its research.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize
