I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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