so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
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