Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
