I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
