why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
where are my eyebrows?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
