he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
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She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
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He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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