Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I think your dad took our porno
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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