I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
