mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
