What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize
