i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
