Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Randomize
