He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
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Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
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There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?