Betty ford says i'm here all night
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
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Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
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well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me