I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas