i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
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Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high