Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol