In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
You took a bar mat shot.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
The Olympian is in my bed
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