Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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