the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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