Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
