Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
