She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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