Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
