I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
smell my finger.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
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any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
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I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
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