Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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