I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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