As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
