those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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