just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
