I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
