i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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