I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
