oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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