i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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