According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
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I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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