he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
