Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
