Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
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