I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
why do cheetos always look like penises
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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