OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
