Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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