i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
