i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
