I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
