John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
