My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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