I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
