So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
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