whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
This is the high leading the old right now
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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