my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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