I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
this is an emotional support booty call
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
