you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
