There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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