you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize