I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
