bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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