i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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